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| © Lee Horbachewski |
“It is
Friday, October 22, 2004, and I know I cannot keep going; it has to end. The
darkness is unbearable, the sadness and desperation are all-encompassing. This
is my first real thought of suicide, and I am filled with relief that I can
choose to end this, though I am consumed with fear. I begin to put a plan in
motion: I make my way slowly to the pantry, and I grab every pill bottle I can
hold. I retreat to the safety of my bedroom and, crying hysterically, I begin
to open the bottles.
No, you can’t
do this, I think, what about the girls? What about Neil? If you do this, it
will destroy them. Well, I’m already doing a good job of that right now. Wouldn’t
they be better off without me? I argue with myself, the inner turmoil
unendurable. Suddenly, my best friend, Sandra, fills my thoughts. One year ago,
her sister ended her life by suicide, and I have seen firsthand the pain it has
caused. Do I really want to cause her that kind of pain again? I wonder.
For a brief
moment, my thoughts are rational: What am I doing? I can’t do this! In a frenzy
of anger, resentment, and hatred toward myself, I gather up all the bottles,
return them to the pantry, and find the Yellow Pages. I stumble back to my
bedroom, collapse on the bed, weak and exhausted, without any hope. I pick up
the phone, open the phone book to the front page, and call the 24-Hour CrisisLine provided by Distress Centre. As a woman answers, I feel an uneasy knot in
my stomach, but soon her calm, soothing voice reassures me. She is caring and
helpful, listening attentively, not judging me, and all the while asking
questions gently. For the first time, I feel that someone really understands
and cares.”
Reaching out
and asking for help is seen by some as a sign of weakness. I beg to differ! Asking for help is a sign of strength.
For the
longest time I did not ask for help. I
wore a mask of “I’m okay.” I didn’t want
to bother anyone, or be judged for how I was feeling. In an unhealthy way I felt safe as long as I
suffered in silence. Suffering in
silence does not serve you, or anyone else.
Often people who love you can see that you are in pain, and lack the
knowledge, or possess fear that holds them back in reaching out to you. You need to, and you must, ask for help.
You can ask
for help in many different ways.
- Say
to someone you love trust, “I am going through a difficult time right now, I
would really appreciate if you could listen to what I am going through with an
open heart and non-judgment, and be there to help me through this.”
- Make
an appointment with your family doctor, and be completely honest with how you
are feeling, and ask for help and guidance.
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| © Lee Horbachewski |
You may be
scared, resistant, and worried about asking for support. I invite you for a moment to think of someone
you love, for me this was my daughters.
Now, imagine that person going through a difficult time. Imagine her in
darkness, and no one to support her because she chooses not to ask for help.
Would you
ever wish for someone you love to be in darkness, alone, and isolated?
Try to
understand how important it is to do this, not only for yourself, but also as a
model for your children, and those you hold dear. It will take time, I promise you though the
wall of resistance you have built will come down.
What is the
support you need?
Who are the
people that may be able to support you?
How can they
support you?
Take
responsibility for your mental health.
You can’t do this alone. Reach
out and ask for help.
"This book is a beacon of hope!" ~ Oriah Mountain Dreamer
Click HERE to order today.
You are not
alone. You are loved.
Hugs &
Love
Lee
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| © Lee Horbachewski |
Lee
Horbachewski has delivered her message of courage, hope and inspiration as a
speaker to thousands of people. Although
not currently practicing, Lee is a certified professional coach through
Erickson College International. Through her personal experience and many of the
people she has worked with, she believes the number one step in starting the
healing journey is to feel heard, loved, and accepted—beginning with self. She
is a quiet strong voice of hope, inspiration, and authenticity for millions of
people impacted by mental illness. Lee lives with her husband and two daughters
in Calgary, AB, Canada
Treat others as you’d like to be treated: Once you’ve taken care of yourself, you can take care of others. Smile, you might just brighten someone elses day. Happiness is contagious. Not only for the person receiving the happiness, but it’ll remind you to be happy. In fact research has proven that smiling actually makes you happier than you were before! Your own smile may just lift your own spirits! 
