The ‘tween years: the time you discover you can really use an owner’s manual. Don’t panic, therapist and parent educator Patricia Morgan has developed a wonderful tool to help shed some light on important issues and open the lines of communication between parents and preteens.
Pre-Teen Parent Quiz Score the following
from 1 to 5:
1= never; 2= seldom; 3= sometimes; 4= most
of the time; 5= always
Communication
1. Daily I communicate love and
appreciation.
2. I speak respectfully and clearly using
“I” statements.
3. I share my feelings openly.
4. I tell what I will and will not do.
5. My body posture matches my words.
6. My tone of voice is congruent with my
words.
7. I avoid name-calling, sarcasm;
lecturing, judging, put downs, yelling, advising, moralizing, catastrophizing,
blaming and pleading.
8. I make my expectations clear; treatment
of siblings, teachers, peers and property.
9. I ask for my child's opinion and
thinking on matters from; what shall we have for dinner to the Afghan
situation.
10. I engage in conversations focused on my
child's interests and opinions as often as I start conversations focused on my
concerns or interests.
11. I share an appropriate amount of
private information with my child.
12. I do not pry with multiple questions
into my child's life.
13. I listen attentively.
14. I seek to understand my child's point
of view and feelings before asking to be heard.
15. I use open-ended questions to support
effective problem solving.
Responsibility and Independence
1. I provide appropriate supervision for my
child.
2. I make sure that my child has the skills
and accepts appropriate responsibility before giving my permission for him or
her to child mind.
3. I assure that my child has adequate
supervision.
4. Whenever possible I do not leave my
child home alone after school.
5. I minimize the time my child is home
alone.
6. If my child is home alone I have put a
plan in place that provides safety and connection.
7. My child has some money available to
learn responsibilities around financial management.
8. I realize that even at this age my child
needs reminders about manners.
9. I compromise around a messy room,
arrange for a periodic clean up and know that it is not a big deal in the big
picture.
10. I avoid doing for my child what my
child can do for him/herself.
11. I do not get into conflict about
chores. I work out an agreement.
12. I accept that typically family pets
become a parent's responsibility.
13. I have taught my child how to greet
guests, shake hands, answer the phone and take messages.
14. I model good manners.
How did you do? Patricia recommends, “If
you feel there's room for improvement but don't know where to start, you may
want to consider taking a class or reading a parenting book focusing on
pre-teens.” She adds, “Why not try having your pre-teen take this test with
you? You may have different opinions on how well you're doing in different
areas.” For more information on upcoming pre-teen parenting classes call Family
Life Education at Families Matter at 403-205-5178.
Image credit: mcininch / 123RF Stock Photo
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