The ‘tween years: the time you discover you can really use an owner’s manual. Don’t panic, therapist and parent educator Patricia Morgan has developed a wonderful tool to help shed some light on important issues and open the lines of communication between parents and preteens.
Patricia’s goal is to offer some useful
ideas to support you in your job of parenting your pre-teen through this stage.
Her quiz is designed to cover a variety of topics including: Pre-adolescent Development;
Communication; Self Esteem and Emotions; Family Life; Discipline; Responsibility
and Independence
and Peers. To get you started, here’s an excerpt on Communication and
Responsibility & Independence from her full quiz to help manoeuvre through your
preteen’s developmental stages. To take the full quiz, visit
www.calgaryschild.com
Pre-Teen Parent Quiz Score the following
from 1 to 5:
1= never; 2= seldom; 3= sometimes; 4= most
of the time; 5= always
Communication
1. Daily I communicate love and
appreciation.
2. I speak respectfully and clearly using
“I” statements.
3. I share my feelings openly.
4. I tell what I will and will not do.
5. My body posture matches my words.
6. My tone of voice is congruent with my
words.
7. I avoid name-calling, sarcasm;
lecturing, judging, put downs, yelling, advising, moralizing, catastrophizing,
blaming and pleading.
8. I make my expectations clear; treatment
of siblings, teachers, peers and property.
9. I ask for my child's opinion and
thinking on matters from; what shall we have for dinner to the Afghan
situation.
10. I engage in conversations focused on my
child's interests and opinions as often as I start conversations focused on my
concerns or interests.
11. I share an appropriate amount of
private information with my child.
12. I do not pry with multiple questions
into my child's life.
13. I listen attentively.
14. I seek to understand my child's point
of view and feelings before asking to be heard.
15. I use open-ended questions to support
effective problem solving.
Responsibility and Independence
1. I provide appropriate supervision for my
child.
2. I make sure that my child has the skills
and accepts appropriate responsibility before giving my permission for him or
her to child mind.
3. I assure that my child has adequate
supervision.
4. Whenever possible I do not leave my
child home alone after school.
5. I minimize the time my child is home
alone.
6. If my child is home alone I have put a
plan in place that provides safety and connection.
7. My child has some money available to
learn responsibilities around financial management.
8. I realize that even at this age my child
needs reminders about manners.
9. I compromise around a messy room,
arrange for a periodic clean up and know that it is not a big deal in the big
picture.
10. I avoid doing for my child what my
child can do for him/herself.
11. I do not get into conflict about
chores. I work out an agreement.
12. I accept that typically family pets
become a parent's responsibility.
13. I have taught my child how to greet
guests, shake hands, answer the phone and take messages.
14. I model good manners.
How did you do? Patricia recommends, “If
you feel there's room for improvement but don't know where to start, you may
want to consider taking a class or reading a parenting book focusing on
pre-teens.” She adds, “Why not try having your pre-teen take this test with
you? You may have different opinions on how well you're doing in different
areas.” For more information on upcoming pre-teen parenting classes call Family
Life Education at Families Matter at 403-205-5178.
Image credit: mcininch / 123RF Stock Photo
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